Long Vs Short

In all my life I cannot say I have ever experienced a sensation quite like the one I feel today. Having a beautiful weekend with my partner and reconnecting again after a long time on different planets was so refreshing and refueling. But at the same time a dark cloud was lingering near the end of our time and we had to bite the hard, cold bullet and let the cloud erupt.

Luckily it wasn't an angry, harmful burst, but more of a reflective and discursive one. Maybe that made it more difficult. I kept telling myself to remember the loneliness and hurt I felt on a daily basis, remember the pain of being apart and not understanding each other. When we are together we compliment each other so melodically, it's like art. But when we are trying to see the other one's point of view from the other side of the country, the paint runs dry and we clash in our opposing boats. Opposites attract. But only in person, where it can be balanced.

So after a smooth and memorable weekend, the final votes were in and still, we decided to part paths. Seems slightly contradictory but I think the decision was already embedded in our minds beforehand and therefore hard to untie. So here I sit completely heartbroken and confused and in a place of strange discomfort wondering whether I chose my short-term happiness over my long-term happiness. A part of me knows that I have to live for today, there is no guarantee of tomorrow and so short term happiness choices make sense. But the other part of me - the hopeless romantic - is screaming that letting go now is letting go of my whole future dream. The dream of marriage, children and a life that I KNOW I will be happy in, if he is by my side.

So in the everlasting debate of short-term happiness and long-term happiness, I lie awake and wonder which one was supposed to win? Have I chosen correctly? Have I made a mistake? Is it too late now? I seem to think he wants his short-term happiness too so I give him the silence he asks of me. But my deepest heart of hearts tells me...

There's no greater love in the world than the one I shared with him.