Health issues with my mother, my father and my brother-in-law, extremely pressurising third year university studies, starting an intern-ship that was out of my depth to begin with, loosing my best friend and lover that I would never have believed to be true, and lastly learning some difficult lessons of my own - learning to be a better, stronger person and not judge myself too harshly for the mistakes that I have made.
Testing. Is the word I would choose to describe the last nine months.
To capture all the emotions on this journey into one post would be a sea of overwhelming grief, loss, pain, anger, anxiety, stress, worry, confusion, guilt, disbelief, fear and second-guessing.
Going down this path and seeing all the stops on the way, I am learning to simply stop at each one. And consider it. Inhale the experience and take from it what I can. To acknowledge what I am doing, how I am doing it, why I choose the specific stops I am at, and which ones I cannot control. Just pure recognition of these factors can bring such a full sense of knowing who I am, how I got here and what my role in all of this is. And all of that is paving my way - one step closer to my purpose, my true happiness, my life as I choose to experience it.
I have learned that I can create the goodness in my life, I don't need others to inspire me, I am enough. And I have something that the people closest to me see, which is why they stick around. I know I will not always get everything my way, things may not turn out the way I hoped or planned, but whichever way I go I will be alright. I will always have my own company, and for the first time in my life, I'm starting to like my own company. Just a little. I'm okay with myself.
And I had to go through all these testing times to find that out.
In the end, that very slight change of being okay with me, is what will attract all the good things in my life. And things will end up the way they are supposed to. Even though it may not make sense to start with.
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